Eric Munson, Where art thou?

Our boy Lynn has a Jeff Larish fetish.

Ah, what to do with Jeff Larish. It's one of those subjects that has been chewed on at length by the Tigers as they plot their future and how a powerful left-handed-hitting first baseman might help them.

Well, they could start by playing him. But the Skipper still thinks they have to give at-bats to Worthless Piece of Shit Sheffield and it took Miguel Cabrera all of 2 seconds after we dealt for him to slide all the way down the defensive spectrum.

One answer always seems to emerge: third base.

It's why Larish will be headed to the Arizona Fall League this autumn with express instructions to be used at third base, primarily, and at first base as a second consideration.

Of course, it isn't that Larish has botched anything at first base that has spurred the Tigers to switch positions.

Let's say Larish had botched something at first...would it be a good strategy to move someone that can't play first to a tougher position? That seems like a strange plan, no?

Rather, it has to do with Miguel Cabrera having a seven-year contract at first base, where it's expected he will continue to roll up Hall of Fame-brand numbers.

Right, I forgot the Tigers gave Cabrera a first base contract. He can't be moved or else the contract is voided. Yep. Gotcha Lynn.

The Tigers believe they can divide and conquer.

Huh?

They are in need of another powerful left-handed bat in their lineup.

I thought the great Matt Joyce solidified our left handed hitting.

With Carlos Guillen and his age (32) prompting thoughts of the future, and with Brandon Inge presently set at catcher for 2009, the Tigers need to consider Larish's ability to bust up games and to provide competent defense at third.

Maybe they should move Larish to catcher!

Larish has been with the Tigers on a couple of call-up assignments this year and has shown why manager Jim Leyland has said, "I like Larish -- I like him a lot."

Leyland liking a guy is a fucking death knell. Other players Jimmy likes:
Neifi Perez, Gary Sheffield, Ramon Santiago, Brandon Inge, Todd Jones, Alexis Gomez

He has impressive power and a good eye, most of which has been visible this season at Triple-A Toledo (21 home runs, a .342 on-base average in 380 at-bats).

Larish's numbers are not that great at AAA this year. Not bad, but certainly not good enough that the Tigers should be overly concerned with finding a spot for him in their lineup, at least not yet. .250/.342/.479 with 21 bombs and 50 walks against 109 strikeouts makes him anything but a sure thing.

For all the emphasis the Tigers will place on rehabilitating their pitching staff and sharpening their defense for next year, there will be a desperate need, as well, for hitters who can change games with one big hit.

The Tigers need Clutchy "Big Hit" McClutcherson. If only they had taken my advice and gotten everyone's favorite baseball gnome, David Eckstein, last offseason.

It is why Larish will be anchored to third base when the Arizona league, which features the best young talent in baseball, convenes in October.

"I pushed hard with the Arizona people because that's what we wanted to do," said Glenn Ezell, the Tigers director of player development, speaking about the plan to play Larish at third. "One thing about him is that when he did play some third base at Toledo, he didn't screw up."

EZ sure has a way with words.

Tigers manager Jim Leyland will no doubt be thinking of Larish when camp convenes in six months. Whether he thinks of him as a possible answer at third base depends, in great part, on how things go this autumn in Arizona.

No doubt Lynn, no doubt.

John Lowe...Come On Down

You're the next contestant on Splendid Lynn Henning.

KANSAS CITY, Mo. -- This is where Fernando Rodney got his first big-time save.

It came in the final week of the 2003 season.

Ah, yes, the magical Tigers/Royals pennant race of 2003. I remember it as if it were yesterday. The Tigers ultimately came up short, finishing a mere 40 games behind the Royals (who finished 7 games behind the Twins and 3 back of the Sox.)

At that point, the Tigers needed to win four of their final five games to avoid tying the Mets' all-time record of 120 defeats.

"The big time" for the Tigers prior to 2006; narrowly avoiding the worst record of the modern era.

Rodney entered with none out in the eighth and a one-run lead, retired all six Royals he faced, and saved the Tigers' 4-3 victory. They avoided matching the Mets by one loss.

Anyone who saw that save in Kansas City could think, "Rodney could be a full-time closer someday."

Here's the box for the game Lowe is referring to.

Ah, the halcyon days for Shane Loux.

Holy shit, did the Tigers really win a game with an outfield of Ben Petrick, Alex Sanchez, and Andres Torres? Next thing you're going to tell me is that the Tigers could win a playoff game with Alexis Gomez at DH and Neifi Perez batting 2nd and playing short.

FUCK.

He has had a long wait for the role. It finally arrived four weeks ago when he succeeded Jones.

Rodney's first week on the job, he was a bigger and faster version of the fabled Jones roller coaster. He turned a non-save situation against Chicago into a turbulent event before he got the final out. Then within days, he blew his first two save chances as Jones' successor -- one on a homer, another on the three walks and hit batter in Tampa Bay.

Fernando Rodney sucks, we get it Lowe.

But maybe we all should have remembered that, when Rodney got the call last month to replace Jones, he already had 21 career saves for the Tigers and another for the Dominican Republic in the World Baseball Classic in '06.

Rodney's first week as Jones' successor was not so much a failed audition as an aberration.

Fernando Rodney doesn't suck?

In the 2 1/2 weeks since Rodney's walk-filled loss in Tampa Bay, the Tigers have disappeared from the playoff race.

Damn you Rodney! We were on the verge of greatness until you took over!

If there has been one good thing for the Tigers in 2 1/2 weeks, it's that Rodney has righted himself and has verified that he can be the full-time closer next season.

Heckuva job Rodney. ATTABOY!

Meanwhile, Rodney's line from last night against those vaunted Royals:
1 inning, 2 earned runs, 3 hits, 1 walk, and another near disaster.

And closer remains the most important and hardest-to-fill job in baseball. (Ask all those NL contenders who don't have full-time closers right now.)

I'm going to say no on that one. It's one of the easiest positions to fill if you're creative and smart. Most baseball GM's and managers are the polar opposite. That's why people like Todd Jones exist.

And what NL teams are being referenced here? Billy Wagner is hurt for the Mets, but Aaron Heilman is filling in and he's pretty good. Lidge is killing it for the Phillies. Kerry Wood has been solid for the Cubs, Salomon Torres! is doing well enough for the Brewers. Brandon Lyon hasn't been so great for the Diamondbacks but they have a very deep bullpen and plenty of guys that could step in if need be. Saito is on the DL like the rest of the Dodgers pitching staff but Broxton is a beast and will be fine.

Will Rodney be an effective closer over a full season? We can't know that until we see him do it over a full season.

Great Joe Morgan-style analysis. Way to go out on a limb with "we can't know."

But has Rodney shown enough that the Tigers can give him the job going into next season? Has he shown enough that they won't have to get into the bidding for free agent Francisco Rodriguez, who is heading for more than 50 saves with the Angels this season?

Meanwhile, getting into a bidding war for Frankie Rodriguez would be retarded. It's basically a lock that it will happen with Mr. I, DD, and the Skipper running the show but we just went through a list of the closers for the top 6 teams in the NL and NOT ONE was a high-priced free agent pickup. Notice a trend?

That answer would also seem to be yes, barring a big collapse by Rodney the rest of this season. The Tigers can use their money in the off-season on other needs such as left-handed hitting and speed. (Not stolen-base speed necessarily -- just some basic first-to-third speed.)

2008 Tigers runs scored: 648, 6th in the AL (currently 12 runs behind the White Sox and 4 behind the Twins)
2008 Tigers runs allowed: 637, 10th in the AL (89 worse than the Sox and 57 behind the Twins)

So, let's just spend our money on left-handed hitting and first-to-third speed. Sounds like a great plan.

Whenever Rodney first gets on the mound in this weekend's three-game series in Kansas City, he will try to add to a scoreless streak.

Streak over.

Mark Twain is to Samuel Clemens as Mike O'Hara is to Matt Millen

There really is no other explanation for this, is there?

It's bad enough that O'Hara guaranteed at least 9 wins for the Lions this year. If he had just posted a one line article stating his prediction, that 9 wins is "the standard," we could have pointed/laughed and just assumed he got a nice reach-around from Rod or Matt.

But then he had to elaborate, expound, and double-down on the craziness:

When the 2008 schedule was released, I wrote the Lions could win nine games. It wasn't a prediction, just a somewhat humorous way of showing how a 9-7 season was possible. From what I've seen so far, I was wrong.

Hey, the Lions only have 7 wins to go. They're 2-0 with wins over the Super Bowl champs and the high-powered Bengals. Cross Kitna is working on a perfect season. All is right with the world. I see where O'Hara is coming from.

Huh? What's that you say?

It's the preseason?

Oh.

Well they're still 2-0 and that counts for something right?

Wait, they were 2-0 in the preseason last year too?

OK, nevermind.

The Lions will win nine games, maybe more. They're super fast on defense, they will build a running game, protect the quarterback and have talent at wide receiver. I say 9-7 is the standard. Whether that earns a playoff spot remains to be seen, but this team will not fall apart, unless shredded by injuries.


I love the injury caveat. This is the Lions we're talking about. Of course they'll be decimated by injuries. It always seems that way because they never have any depth. They don't have much front line talent either, but with the Lions it's the difference between a marginal NFL player and signing guys off the street 24 hours before a game that they end up starting (Doug Evans/Otis Smith™).

Calvin Johnson is currently one of the 10 best players in the NFL.

Look, I like Calvin Johnson. (How's that for a caveat?)

However, this is just insanity.

CURRENTLY ONE OF THE 10 BEST PLAYERS IN THE NFL.CURRENTLY ONE OF THE 10 BEST PLAYERS IN THE NFL.CURRENTLY ONE OF THE 10 BEST PLAYERS IN THE NFL.CURRENTLY ONE OF THE 10 BEST PLAYERS IN THE NFL.CURRENTLY ONE OF THE 10 BEST PLAYERS IN THE NFL.CURRENTLY ONE OF THE 10 BEST PLAYERS IN THE NFL.CURRENTLY ONE OF THE 10 BEST PLAYERS IN THE NFL.CURRENTLY ONE OF THE 10 BEST PLAYERS IN THE NFL.CURRENTLY ONE OF THE 10 BEST PLAYERS IN THE NFL.

I've checked the article several times during the day to see if some intern was messing around and the News finally got around to fixing the error. No such luck.

Calvin Johnson has to have a pretty damn good sophomore season just to be considered one of the 10 best receivers in the NFL. This is Peter King level stupidity here folks.

Forget about how the Lions should have drafted Joe Thomas (Browns offensive lineman) or Adrian Peterson (Vikings running back) last year.

2 preseason games are more important than the entire 2007 regular season. That is the overarching lesson to be learned from Mike O'Crazy. It's not even worth getting into a strategic discussion of whether you'd rather have a star left tackle, running back, or wide receiver is it? After all, Calvin Johnson is now one of the 10 best players in the league.

Herman Moore set the standard for all Lions receivers, and Johnson is meeting it.

What does this mean? Scott Mitchell set the standard for all Lions quarterbacks back in 1995 and he was a fat pussy. (Lela Star™)

Tatum Bell is playing -- or not playing -- his way into being the odd man out at tailback. He plays and acts like he isn't interested in playing football. He doesn't seem to be engaged with the team in any manner. His performance has been dreadfully lackluster, and it looks like he has lost his desire to play. Kevin Smith , Aveion Cason , Artose Pinner and Brian Calhoun all are ahead of him.

So it turns out that a guy that couldn't even crack the active roster last year isn't that good? Huh? I'm shocked. Meanwhile, is anyone confident the Lions will "build a running game" if they go into the season with Kevin Smith, Cason, Pinner, and Calhoun as their backs? Besides Colletto, Millen, Rod, Killer, and O'Hara?

Didn't think so.

The Lions have more good, young players on the roster than at any time since Jerry Ball , Bennie Blades , Chris Spielman , Barry Sanders and Moore were coming into their prime. Just to name a few, and in no particular order, Ernie Sims , Johnson, Roy Williams , Gosder Cherilus , Jerome Felton , Smith, Andre Fluellen , Daniel Bullocks , Gerald Alexander , Ikaika Alama-Francis (watch him develop this year), Jordon Dizon , Orlovsky and Stanton will form the nucleus of the team.

Again, if the Lions are the standard than there is no standard at all.

That being said, Ernie Sims is chronically overrated. Cherilus has yet to play an NFL down and is currently behind Jeff Backup and George Foster on the depth chart. You don't build your team around a right tackle unless your QB is a lefty. Jerome Felton? LOL. He's getting more run than Mike Barwis these days because he's got a great family story. I'll reserve judgment on the guy until he actually plays an NFL game. Kevin Smith? Fluellen? Yet to play a real down. Bullocks is coming off a severe injury and was just recently cleared to practice. Alama-Francis is going to develop this year? Great. Let's hope he can actually make the active roster for more than 6 games and go from there. Jordon Dizon? Wake me up when he supplants the postal worker at linebacker. ORLOVSKY! Come on Mike. Stanton? He's the rich man's Mike McMahon and poor man's Josh McCown until proven otherwise.

In two games, Kitna hasn't been touched. Amazing.

Kitna has made 10 pass attempts so far. 10. That he hasn't been touched isn't amazing me. And I'm pretty sure he was touched by an angel anyway.

A home playoff game for the Lions? Don't count it out. But they're getting better faster than anyone thought -- especially me.

I haven't seen any retractions or corrections from the News yet about this being a guest editorial from Bill Ford Jr. with a mistaken byline.

I'll keep looking.